ON TV: Top Chef All-Stars - Jen's parting is such sweet sorrow

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet Act 2, scene 2, 176–185

That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

 

I set out to blog how, ON TV: On Top Chefs All-Stars, episode 2, Jen's parting is such sweet sorrow.
What I found, though, was: Patti Labelle has two titles that aptly describe the first chefs sent packing, Shakespeare eerily predicted Jen's crack of doom, and Jason Sheehan is my new favorite Top Chef blogger.
 
Top Chef Season 8's first All-Star casualty last week was Elia Aboumrad (who placed 4th in Top Chef, Season 2 ). I dedicate to her Patti Labelle's album: Patti Live! One Night Only...  To Jen, I dedicate Patti LaBelle's hit song "New Attitude".

Either the All-Star cheftestants OD'd on La LaBelle's lyrics, or the producers whipped them into a stiff, saucy frenzy for ratings' sake. To wit:  Last week, Elia landed on the chopping block for stubbornly refusing to update her losing dish beyond a mere tweak.  And Fabio Viviani (Season 5's Fan Favorite, who placed 4th), threw down the gauntlet with bitingly-brutal judge Anthony Bourdain. 

This season, Jen's anger, feistiness, and cockiness sharply contrasted with her mild-mannered demeanor during Top Chef Season 6 (she placed fourth, too - I see a pattern here).  Jen staunchly stood by her soaked pork-belly dish (which some said tasted like wet bacon) and so dissed the judges that her castmates (and some judges) rocked on their heels. I think one of her teammates gasped. (Although in the stew room, two-stitch Jamie Lauren (who placed 7th in Season 5) said about Jen's tirade: "She was good!")
Antonia Lofaso (who placed 4th in Season 4) asked Jen if she'd behaved that way in Season 6. Jen's reply: "Absolutely not. This is All-Star Jen."

Jen, Jen, why'd you drink that Kool-Aid?

This go-round, Jen's hubris in general, and cockiness about the Museum of Natural History challenge in particular challenged the gods of reality TV to take her down. Couple that begging-for-it setup with her alternately simmering and red-hot-chili-pepper temper this season, Jen's impudence at judge's table, and her shared confidence in the confessional (her father sez coming in second is still losing), and you KNOW she's cruisin' for losin' - if only to make good TV.

And good TV we got.  All that tough talk and the tirade at judge's table certainly was "dramatical" (to quote celebreality star Flavor Flav) and "drama-full" (to quote a young woman overhead gossipping on Manhattan's 6-train yesterday). But I'd bet my best cookware Jen never would have talked so tough if she'd felt vulnerable. 

But she was.  They all are. For all but one chef-testant, life upon this show is but a walking shadow, short-lived and soon-doused. 

Instead of listening to Patti LaBelle - or the producers - or her father - and breaking bad, Jen should have read Shakespeare's MacBeth.  For on Top Chef, to-morrows are not promised, and for all but one talented, lucky contestant, hubris, incompetence, and carelessness will light fools the way out, out! To be then heard no more.  (Until the Top Chef  holiday special or some other media opportunity.)

This course, Jen's candle was snuffed. Her strutting and fretting upon the stage, full of sound and fury, signified nothing. And so Tom Colicchio told her: he admired her standing up for her dishes, but that did nothing to improve her food. 

Given all Jen's bad-ass bravado and bluster, her elimination was painfully ironic. Padma's "Jen, please pack your knives and go" was tight-throated (as if it were hard for her to break the bad news). Tiffany and Jamie's reactions:  total shock (although Jamie's also reflected surprise she it was Jen - not she - who was sent packing). Antonia's reaction spoke for us all:  "Holy sh*t!" 
Even I, who found Jen's bravado and overconfidence unwise and her behavior at judge's table inappropriate, found her ousting hard to swallow.  (I pity the fool!) But what came next for this poor player was even harder to watch.

Not even a Machiavellian producer like Real Housewives' sleaz-evil genius, Andy Cohen, could have predicted Jen's priceless, cringe-worthy, emotional roller-coaster of a meltdown.  Jason Sheehan describes it well in his post: "Top Chef All-Stars, second course: Is Jen a dinosaur?" 

By the way, I think Jason Sheehan should be a Top Chef judge.  To underscore my point, check out this post: "Note to Top Chef: Stop sucking."

Obsessive-compulsive house flipper, Jeff Lewis, and his staff: classic brutal boss and prey? Part II

"I’m selling a lifestyle. You either live like me or you want to live like me."
-Jeff Lewis, Flipping Out (Episode 1, Bravo TV)

IMAGE CREDITS:

Amazon.com, Bravo TV-Flipping Out (Season 1, Episode 1), Gold Rush-Wikipedia, and Mrs. Fields-Wikipedia

CONTINUED.

RECAP OF PART I: Real estate speculator Jeff Lewis is the Queen B. of Bravo-TV's new show Flipping Out. Despite cash flow and marketplace challenges and conventional wisdom, he is obsessively, compulsively committed to mining more gold from them thar California hills, and to doing so in the same vein he always has. [Pun intended.] He will maintain his flimsy financial footing by accelerating the sale of a residence he renovated and currently lives in.

Jeff's determination, despite the real risks of bellying-up, channels two iconic American images. One is of "California or bust!"-chanting prospectors during the Gold Rush era. Historical accounts indicate: some forty-niners, especially early on, struck it rich near San Francisco. But many others risked, and lost, everything.

I'm not wishing that on Jeff Lewis, or predicting he'll go bust. Because there's that other image: Debbi Fields. Some called her crazy, too.

Exactly 30 years ago, the young mother with no business experience ignored conventional wisdom , which warned: "no business could survive just selling cookies." Today, Mrs. Fields®, is "the premier chain of cookie and baked goods stores."

Jeff Lewis shares some traits that made Mrs. Fields wildly successful and a "worldwide celebrity." These common traits, as described by MrsFields.com/About, are: "headstrong determination" and a mission to "create the highest quality product possible - every time." Mrs. Fields' mission, which aptly describes Jeff's stated philosophy, "has yielded products like no others, deeply satisfying personal indulgences that consumers just can't get enough of.

The following advice from Mrs. Fields also applies to Jeff: "The important thing is not being afraid to take a chance. Remember, the greatest failure is to not try. Once you find something you love to do, be the best at doing it."

A major difference between Lewis and Fields, however, is their personalities. MrsFields.com/About states: "A dynamic personality. A sincere concern for people. They [and the above-mentioned factors] all played a role in Debbi Fields' success."

Ironically, Jeff's less appealing personality may be a key success factor for his Bravo TV show. What distinguishes Flipping Out from competitive shows is the zoom in on Jeff and his staffs' interpersonal dramas. For example, Lewis' staffers show and tell why they think he is "crazy," and the cameras capture the sometimes-brutal boss browbeating and manipulating his prey, e.g. by threatening to fire them.

In fact, Jeff admits to having fired every member of his staff at one point or another. Usually, they come back aboard. But Brandt, the assistant Jeff booted for no good reason in Episode 1 ensured the split was mutual by quitting. Screwdrivers to sawdust, that split will stick.

Some may wonder how much Jeff pays people to put up with him. It doesn't necessarily have to be much; brutal, bullying and a**hole bosses abound in poorly-compensated job sectors as much as they do in highly-paid posts. "Trash Guy" Chris Elwood and his wife Jenni, actors both, describe non-cash benefits working with Jeff provides.

Still, if Hornstein, Crowley and Elster decided to seek new stories for their books, I'd bet all of Jeff's staff, past and present, would spill the beans on that boss.

SHAMELESS COMMERCE: The Amazon.com banners below link to pages containing reviews and purchase options for the TV shows and books referenced above.

Obsessive-compulsive house flipper, Jeff Lewis, and his staff: classic brutal boss and prey? Part I

"I’m selling a lifestyle. You either live like me or you want to live like me."
-Jeff Lewis, Flipping Out (Episode 1, Bravo TV)

IMAGE CREDITS:

Amazon.com, Bravo TV-Flipping Out (Season 1, Episode 1), and Gold Rush-Wikipedia

Obsessive-compulsive, and sometimes abusive, house flipper Jeff Lewis is the queen B. of Flipping Out, and Bravo TV's newest reality star. B in his case, stands for Biyotch, Bully and Browbeater as much as for Brutal and Boss.

View the premier episode via video to "Meet Jeff and his staff and the business that validates and celebrates his disorders." Then you'll likely agree: the show's "Drama For Sale"tag line and "My Flipping Boss" blog title both hit the nail on the head. So do my comparisons of Jeff and his staff to situations described by Harvey A. Hornstein, Ph.D. in books ike Brutal Bosses and Their Prey and by Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster in Working With You is Killing Me! (which I referenced last year).

As BostonHerald.com - "Buyers beware: Bravo’s house-flipping series needs renovations" describes, Jeff has found, in house flipping and in staffers who stay, ideal outlets through which to channel his dysfunctional quirks, narcissistic tendencies and occasional tyranny. His projects (buying, renovating and reselling real estate in Southern California), with help from his team (which he seesaws between praising and disparaging in the course of the episode, and between hiring and firing, in the course of their relationships), have made him millions. But there's a flip side; Jeff's management style is unnecessarily costly both relationship- and resource-wise.

Jeff recognizes both phenomena. For example, he wonders, on camera, if anyone would ever live with him whom he didn't pay. Hmm. And he confides, but seems incredulous, that his "credit scores are" lower than those of some people who don't own property." Potential creditors “don’t care what [he's] worth." All they care about, he observed, "is my debt.”

Despite those concerns, and self-improvement efforts with a therapist and psychics, Jeff's bad boss and business behavior seem uncurbed. For example, when asked by Executive Assistant Jenni-Pulos Elwood, "Do you feel you can be stern without being degrading?" Lewis quickly answered, "No." Jeff doesn't think twice about assigning unreasonable, unproductive tasks, either, such as requiring assistants to face all labels in his 'fridge forward, or about demanding employees to submit formal, written mea culpas when they behave insubordinately.

Lewis' quirkiness, occupation, and even villainy are not unique in unscripted TV-land. But Jeff distinguishes himself from the speculators featured on A&E's Flip This House and TLC's Flip That House by more brazenly indulging, even flaunting, his disorders. He also brags about investing more money in his projects, and about being more "painstakingly meticulous" than his counterparts.

Jeff believes leveraging himself to the rafters and taking time to add substantial value (that may or may not pay off) is superior to typical house-flipping practices, which involve investing "a few thousand dollars" and reselling within weeks. However, some critics, such as the author of "A Los Angeles Speculator Sold on Himself ," disagree.

Bankers are not keen on Jeff's situation either. Lewis confided having difficulty getting financing, seemingly incredulous that his "credit scores are lower than those of some people who don't own property," and that potential creditors “don’t care what [he's] worth. All they care about," he observed, "is my debt.”

Forget about those obstacles and the roller-coaster nature of Jeff's cash flow. (He can begin a month with a million dollars in the bank, and within weeks "there will be days where he has $1500 left in all his accounts combined, with no savings"). Forget documentation that the Southern California real estate market is well past its peak, and the law of diminishing returns and that the Pareto Principle (a.ka. 80/20 Rule) dictate limiting the level of investment in each project.

Jeff is obsessively, compulsively committed to mining more gold from them thar California hills, and to doing so in the same vein he always has. [Pun intended.] He will maintain his flimsy financial footing by accelerating the sale of a residence he renovated and currently lives in.

Jeff's determination, desite the real risks of bellying-up, channels two iconic American images. CONTINUED.

SHAMELESS COMMERCE: The Amazon.com banners below link to pages containing reviews and purchase options for the TV shows and books referenced above.

ON TV: One monkey(wrench) don't stop no show - exhibit A is Jackie Warner

IMAGE CREDIT: Jackie Warner 6.jpg, accessed at Jackie Warner - Wikipedia.

One monkey(wrench) don't stop no show. And if you've really got the goods, you don't always have to flash them.

Exhibit A is Jackie Warner: the owner and managing director of SKYSPORT&SPA and star of Bravo TV's reality show, Workout. Jackie never works out in the grueling boot camps she subjects her trainers and clients to or shares her body fat composition on camera as she does theirs). Nevertheless. it's clear to see: Jackie Warner is one lean, mean personal fitness queen.

Jackie also proves my points in Workout Episode 206, in which she "travels to Indianapolis to present her clothing line to executives at a chain of stores called Pavia." The meeting seemed successful, even though the samples produced by Jackie's (now ex-)manufacturer were so poorly made that she couldn't show them. Consequently, the $400 per hour fitness professional had to muscle her way through a power-presentation that was entirely verbal and conceptual.

In contrast, the solution to overcoming the monkey(wrench) that threatened to stop my talk radio show yesterday was anything but verbal (on my part, at least). I had laryngitis, so this talk show host couldn't talk. Nonetheless, my guests, WVOX sound engineer and I pulled off a really good Lisa Tolliver Show broadcast. You can read about the show, and some listener feedback, in "ON AIR: I was silenced by laryngitis, so guests Tanya Calamoneri and Patricia Burgess of The Field interviewed each other." ###

Nassau Community College has driven up the cost of parking on campus

One thing I miss about living in southern California is the availability of valet parking practically everywhere one would want to drive, including the supermarket and public library. When I first encountered the practice, I thought it was over-the-top, like some scenes in Bravo TV's Real Housewives of Orange County. However, I quickly grew accustomed to giving my keys to parking attendants and going about my business, then calling for my car and having it brought right to me. The service wasn't free but the convenience was worth it, especially when I had lots to carry or when it rained.

(If you've heard the song: "It Never Rains in Southern California," don't believe the hype.)

Back home in New York, valet parking seems to be reserved for high end destinations. Finding free parking at lower-end, crowded locations - even in some suburbs - can be a real pain in the posterior and the cost of paid parking can put a sizable dent in one's wallet.

Consider, for instance, Nassau Community College in Garden City, a Long Island suburb. It's a commuter school in a bedroom community, where I have rarely found it convenient to park. Visiting many buildings on campus has required guzzling gallons of gas to search for an available parking space and then hiking a considerable distance.

One rainy day, in particular, when visiting to videotape a racquetball class (for a cultural documentation project), I had to lug my equipment, laptop, purse and umbrella from the far end of the West 4B Student and Visitor Parking Lot all the way to the Physical Education Complex (which abuts the far east end of West 5 Staff Parking). As I crossed that soggy plain, I mused: "By George, what I wouldn't give right now for the privilege of paying for valet parking."

Ironically, paid parking is now not a privilege, but obligatory at Nassau Community College. A recently introduced directive has driven up the cost of parking on campus from zero to five, seventeen fifty or forty five dollars, depending on the semester. Those are fairly high-octane fees for some students. However, unlike valet service, the parking premiums are unlikely to crank up convenience to drivers. (Parking spaces can't be reserved and parking attendants will not be hired.) Rather, what those fees (and fines for parking violations) will undoubtedly do is fill up the coffers of Nassau Community College (and of the Nassau County Traffic and Parking Violations Agency).

The Nassau Community College Student Vehicle Registration Program must have been mapped out by some alchemist, who saw the bumper crop of cars on campus as gold in them thar hills. (I know it's a stretch to refer to the same site as a plain and as hills, but down-rev, Bev. Haven't you ever heard of artistic license?) Although some students take public transportation or carpool to campus, most drive there directly from work and elsewhere, and the demand for parking is inelastic.

The new parking rules are effective this semester. I'm familiar with the details because I helped a less computer-savvy friend register two vehicles online. The rules offer no bulk discounts or transferable parking passes for students who drive multiple cars or free passes for the "Winterim" and Summer terms. Moreover, the vehicle registration fees are neither refundable nor pro-ratable for students who withdraw early or register late.

I personally care about this development because I frequently visit Nassau Community College for various reasons. As a visitor, I won't have to pay to park on campus but will bear an opportunity cost: stopping at the Public Safety Office (which is nowhere near where I usually park) to get a temporary vehicle pass.

If I sound like I begrudge Nassau Community College its new revenue source, don't get me wrong. "Render unto Caesar" and all. Moreover, according the January 2007 letter addressed by the Vice President of Academic Services to registered students, the program has worthwhile motives: "to accommodate the parking needs of the campus as well as provide additional security on campus."

There's just something about the tone and text of the school's Vehicle Registration Program Information Sheet that guns my motor. Here, take the wheel and read this excerpt for yourself:

Q. How much does the program cost?
A. The cost is $17.50 in the Spring and the Fall semesters. In the Fall ONLY an annual permit is available for $45 which is good for the academic year (Fall, Winterim, Spring and Summer). Registration for the Winterim is $5, as is registration for the Summer terms. Students are strongly encouraged to register their vehicle online and pay by credit card so that waiting in long lines to make payment by cash or check can be avoided. Please note that there is "no extra charge" for credit card payments.

Q. Does this guarantee a parking spot?
A. All vehicles must be registered to be legally permitted to park on campus. However, registration does not guarantee a parking space in any particular parking area. In time the program should prevent non-registered vehicles from parking on campus, thereby making more space available for registered vehicles. There is currently ample parking available on campus for all students although some spaces may not be conveniently located.

Q. Is it necessary to register?
A. Unregistered vehicles will be subject to summonses and towing. The summons will come from Nassau County, not the College.

Q. What will the money collected be used for?
A. The fees will be used to repair Nassau Community College's Parking lots and enhance security on campus.

Q. Why do I have to register more than one vehicle if I intend to bring more than one vehicle on campus?
A. If you cannot decide to bring only one vehicle on campus you must register every vehicle that you intend to bring each semester. If you have a problem with your registered vehicle we will accommodate you with temporary permits on a very limited basis. However, remember that three registration fees for one semester are cheaper than one $90.00 summons.