Paris Hilton fans: Here's a handful of hints for uplifting the Simple Lifer's spirits

Hey Paris Hilton (a.k.a. Inmate Booking Number 9818783) fans! You and the rest of us (who find her unappealing) know: The Simple Life co-star is no happy camper right now. (What two-time penal implant would be?) Here is a handful of hints for uplifting the Simple Lifer's spirits.

1. Send Paris literature that is inspirational, and that puts her predicament in proper perspective. Good examples are Maya Angelou's poem, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" (read it here), and autobiographicalul novel with the same title.
2. On visits and/or by phone, play Gloria Gaynor's hit song, "I Will Survive", and give her the article: I Will Survive - Wikipedia.
3. Remind Paris that, although she is back behind bars, and the Twin Towers Correctional Facility (a.k.a. Twin Towers Jail) is no Hilton International Hotel, the accommodations there beat those at the maximum-security Century Regional Detention Facility and are head over heels above those at the infamously horrendous Hanoi Hilton (the Vietnamese Hỏa Lò(a) Prisoner of War Camp, whose name means "fiery furnace"). THAT's hot!
4. Highlight this: Paris's wings may have been clipped, but she has been allowed to hold onto her hair extensions.
5. Help Paris appreciate this blessing: scandal and a rap sheet won't prevent her from earning a living. Au contraire! Being born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and into a famous family, nullifies that concern. Moreover, the more down and dirty the dish about Paris, it seems, the higher her ratings and bankability.

NOTE: You'd better act fast. With "time served" (including the time spent on "house arrest", during which she upstaged the MTV awards") Paris will likely be released much sooner than her 45-day sentence suggests.

Rob Lowe knocked 'em dead in Des Moines

SYNOPSIS: Actor Rob Lowe's got a deadly golf swing. Proof positive: he sank an unfortunate birdie (specifically, an Iowa state bird) during Wednesday's celebrity golf tournament in Des Moines.

Actor Rob Lowe's got a deadly golf swing. Proof positive: his high-flying ball killed a wild canary (a.k.a. goldfinch, the Iowa state bird) during a celebrity golf tournament on Wednesday.

Reportedly, the bird and ball collided, mid-flight, at the Glen Oaks Country Club in West Des Moines. Lowe (who appears in ABC-TV's Brothers & Sisters, and previously starred in NBC-TV's The West Wing) was golfing there in the Principal Charity Classic Pro-Am.

How did the other duffers react? Figuratively speaking, Rob knocked 'em dead, too. The Des Moines Register reported:

As the rest of the players in his group — including Iowa athletic director Gary Barta — broke out in laughter and applause, the 43-year-old actor raised his arms in mock celebration.

"This is my birdie," Lowe said after examining the fallen bird, which was on the ground and not moving as his group walked toward the green.

"That's unbelievable," Lowe said as he walked onto hole No. 6. "Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me."

Bye bye, unfortunate birdie.

IMAGE CREDITS: Eastern or American Goldfinch, courtesy of Wikipedia. Product links and this golf safety text link, courtesy of Amazon.com.###