Time out for Thomas

The last ten (10) days or so have blown by in a blur. What kicked it off was sad news: my cousin Thomas had succumbed to bone marrow cancer.

Tommy was my paternal cousin and a key player in my life. He was tall and lanky, and I looked up to him in more ways than one. For example, he patiently taught me to roller skate in Grandma's long driveway in Queens; often hung out with my dad, my brother and me when we went boating, picnicking, and to auto races and movies; visited me at Harvard and attended my graduation; helped me move (many times, and on each occasion advised me to rid of some stuff); and was one of my go-to guys whenever I had electronic or mechanical problems.

Tommy, like my brother and father, loved gadgets and cars; all three would have been miracle workers if they'd applied their passions and talents to medicine. It's largely because of them that I am so handy and that I admire smart men who are willing to roll up their sleevs and get their hands dirty once in a while.

Tommy was generous and civic minded, too. He was an auxiliary policeman, and frequently extended favors and hospitality to others. Talking with Tommy was comforting to both Daddy and me when Dad was dying, and I appreciated my cousin's big brother wisdom afterward.

Obviously, I knew Tommy had been ill, but I thought he was getting better. That's what he had led me to believe. As his brother explained at the repast, Thomas' positive, hopeful attitude had bought him five and a half years longer than his initial, six-month, prognosis.

Thomas' death hit me hard. I was the first in my branch of the family to learn about it. Thomas' sister had distributed the news the same way that most organizations and social groups do when they want word to get around quickly: by email and by phoning key nodes in the network, otherwise known as gatekeepers.

I've now the go-to node-gatekeeper for Dad's family line. In that capacity, I spoke to at least one member of each of the other clans (all now headed by my first cousins). Some of the conversations were comforting, but a few others were shocking, such as the one that informed me about the car crash that killed second cousin Mark-by-marriage this January, and others in which my midwestern cousin (another favorite) informed me he was returning (!) to the hospital to review his recovery from a serious fall from a tree and in which a close family friend said she was took ill from AIDS to go out that day.

There's a lesson to be learned there: don't wait for funerals, weddings or holidays to touch base with loved ones. Our time together is too short and uncertain to squander it.

As someone remarked at Thomas' funeral: our clan's shrinking fast. That observation is not completely accurate: marriages and births are constantly replenishing the family tree. But I know what Cousin meant; I feel it too. We're newcomers to the old guard - the family gatekeeprs - which is a role we grew up attributing to Great Grandma and Great Aunt Lizzie before they passed the torch to Grandma, who then passed it down the ladder of aunts and uncles to us.

Now my generation is at the top of that ladder, and it is kind of lonely at the top. From that vantage point, two things are clear. One: families don't grow as large as they used to. Two, and more importantly: as much as we welcome newcomers with loving, open arms, there's no substitute for the long-term relationships we're saying goodbye to at an alarmingly rapid rate. Consequently, it's all the more important to cherish our loved one while we can.

I hope Cousin Tommy knew how much I loved him. I'll make sure those who are still living know that now.

Roundup of today's 'Lisa Tolliver Show' (November 8, 2006)

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING, YEAH!

Yahudy Diaz of the Boy Scouts of America/Greater New York-Bronx Council is organizing the 1st Annual Father Time Rocks Dance-A-Thon. Come out and support your local Boy Scouts of America unit! Ask a friend, family member or co-worker to sponsor you to dance five hours to every type of music there is to hear. Enjoy the day with food, prizes and lots of fun.

• DATE: November 18, 2006
• TIME: Noon-7:00 PM, Eastern Time
• DANCING: Will start at 1:00 PM, Sharp!
• WHERE: Roberto Clemente State Park in the Bronx.
• DRESS CODE: Every participant must wear SNEAKERS to dance!
• PARKING: Available for $5.00
• TRADITIONAL PLEDGE*: $5-$10 per hour, maximum 5 hours
• CHECKS: Made out to the Boy Scouts of America
• GET DIRECTIONS
• FOR MORE INFORMATION: Phone Yahudy Diaz at 212-651-2882 or email ydiaz AT bsa-gny DOT org

Come support this fun(d)raiser. The target is $4,000. Together, we can raise it - one step at a time!

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INCREASE CANCER AWARENESS & KICK THE HABIT!

Frank McGhee, Media Relations Director for American Cancer Society prepped us for an important upcoming date. The 30th Annual American Cancer Society Great American Smokeout will be Thursday, November 18. Need a reason to quit smoking? Get inspired by others and join in online. Visit www.cancer.org/livefreesmokefree. Your health, your life - It's time to live free smoke free.

I want to hear how you did. Tell, Frank, the world and me on WVOX and wvox.com November 22 when I'll be hosting SCORE Radio and Lisa Tolliver Show back to back. Tune your radio to WVOX 1460 AM, hear and share at (01) 914-636-0110, or visit wvox.com at 11:30 AM -12:30 PM, Eastern Time.

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WEVR-MRC Emergency Preparedness Tip # 14 - RECOGNIZING AND TREATING SHOCK

Marianne Partridge, Program Director of the Westchester Volunteer Reserves-Medical Reserve Corps, shared WEVR-MRC Emergency Preparedness Tip # 14 - RECOGNIZING AND TREATING SHOCK.

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RSVP NOVEMBER 14, 2006

Marianne also discussed the November 14 reception to honor participants in the Westchester RSVP (Retired and Senior Volunteer Program). The reception, sponsored by The United Way Volunteer Center, will be held at the Crowne Plaza in White Plains. I'll be hosting. Hope you can come. Get details.

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WHAT'S NEXT

• November 11 - Veterans Day
• November 14 - RSVP Reception at the Crowne Plaza in White Plains, NY
• November 18 - Boy Scouts of America 1st Annual Father Time Rocks Dance-A-Thon
• November 22 - I'll host two back-to-back shows on WVOX 1460 AM and www.wvox.com:

SCORE Radio: Counselors to America's Small Business (11:30 AM - noon, Eastern Time)

Lisa Tolliver Show (noon - 12:30 PM, Eastern Time)###

You only live once unless you're the Marlboro Man

You only live once unless you're larger-than-life. Three secular, larger-than-life icons are Bond, James "You Only Live Twice" Bond, the mythical cat o' nine lives, and the Marlboro Man. Sort of.

About.com's Lisa Fayed explains:

Q: Did the Marlboro Man Die of Lung Cancer?

A: The answer is yes. The stetson wearing, rugged face of Marlboro did in fact die of lung cancer, not just once, but twice.

Many men played the role of the Marlboro Man throughout the years and two of these men died of lung cancer.

The first Marlboro Man to die of lung cancer was Wayne McClaren [sic] in 1992. He appeared in ads for Marlboro in 1976. He spent many years after his lung cancer diagnosis promoting an anti-smoking campaign.

IMAGES and captions courtesy of Wayne McLaren - Wikipedia contributor Plenz: (1) Wayne.McLaren.healthy: "As the Marlboro Man, promoting an 'independent lifestyle' in 1976." (2) Wayne.McLaren.sick: "Lying there with all those tubes in you, how independent can you really be?"

Lisa Fayed continues:

The second Marlboro Man to pass of lung cancer was David McClean [sic], who succumbed to lung cancer in 1995. His family filed a suit against Phillip Morris [sic], citing he had to smoke sometimes five packs of cigarettes a day in order to complete commercial filming and print ad shoots.

The lawsuit also contended that Philip Morris gave McLean cartons of Marlboro cigarettes as gifts. Read more details about Marlboro Men, the lawsuit and the lives of McLaren and McLean at Snopes.com - Marlboro Manslaughter.



Wikipedia reports: "A fictitious version of this ironic situation was featured in the comic novel Thank You For Smoking: A Novel" and "A movie based on the novel was released in 2006. While the characters are essentially the same, the plot differs substantially."

Come to Marlboro Country or Death Valley?

Bottom line: the Marlboro Men and other iconic smokers may be larger than life, but the real people who play and emulate them are not. Read about other celebrities who have died of lung cancer.

Compare these pictures from tobacco.com and their respective captions. Their juxtaposition recalls the 23 Psalm: "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures [...]. Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of Death[...]."



'Nuff said? Apparently not. Monica A. Doyle posted the following, favorable review of Marlboro Red cigarettes in a dooyoo.co.uk post entitled,"Cowboy Killers":

I know alot [sic] of people say they are a strong cigarette and that is why they got that nickname. But for me it is what I first started to smoke and always will smoke. The have just the right taste and flavor and are smooth as well. Atleast [sic] with Reds I know the quality of the cigarette not like with some of those cheap brands. Where you are diffently [sic] not getting what you pay for even if it is cheaper.

Dooyoo members gave Monica's review five stars and rated it "somewhat useful," "useful" and "very useful."

Useful for what? Brrr. That review and its ratings chill my blood.

Ad Age Advertising Century: Icons: The Marlboro Man addresses these cold realities:

Even with the release in 1957 of the first article in Reader's Digest linking lung cancer to smoking[*] the real men of the Marlboro ads kept ringing up sales ($20 billion that year), attracting new smokers of both genders. In 1964, they revived the cowboy but this time he was in mythical Marlboro Country. This vivid image paid off in 1971 when cigarette ads were banned from TV.

The striking print shot of cowboys enjoying a smoke on horseback continued to fuel sales growth. In 1972, Marlboro became the No. 1 tobacco brand in the world.

As the anti-smoking movement has spread, the Marlboro Man has come under particular attack for his role in luring new customers to a cancer-causing habit.

* See Original Studies/History: Reader's Digest Chronologies / summaries /articles: THE EMERGING PATTERN OF ANTI-SMOKING CAMPAIGN. A CHRONOLOGY [of 12 articles from July 1957 to November 1966]

You can find Marlboro, Marlboro Country, and other classic tobacco company ads here.

I hope stories like those of Wayne McLaren, David McLean and my father [Robert S. ("Bob") Tolliver] - a smoker who contracted emphysema and died last year of lung cancer - will make some smokers kick the habit and others butt out before they start. There's a reason why cigarettes are called "cancer sticks," "death sticks" and "cowboy killers." Wayne McLaren's before and after pictures tell the tale.

Unlike the mere mortals who portray them, the heavy-smoking Marlboro Man and James Bond (who smokes 60-70 cigarettes daily and sometimes cigars) were never born but will live forever. The Marlboro Man tops USA Today's October 2006 list of The 101 most influential people who never lived. James Bond ranks #51.

Two other prominent smokers who light up the list are childrens' favorites. #4, Santa Claus (Saint Nick), smokes a corncob pipe. #78 is Joe Camel.

This real-life icon is a more suitable role model. In the photo to the left (from Kathleen Schalch's NPR report: "The Marlboro Man: Present at the Creation") Montana rancher Herf Ingersoll poses beside a 1970s Marlboro ad he modelled for. He's come a long way, baby. Thirty years after lending his face (soul?) to the world's best-selling cigarette brand, Herf - who has given up smoking - is still standing tall. Photo: Jackie Yamanaka.